Vacation
by ChibiFalco
Summary: Slippy and the gang has won a free vacation...although, it may not be what they really asked for.
1. Chapter 1

My first fanfic. I do not own Star Fox.

"How the hell did this happen?" Fox asked as he leaned into the computer screen of Sippy's laptop. Slippy clapped his hand merrily.

"Well, I was checking my email about the spare parts I had ordered for ROB, and the next thing I know, this pop-up pops out of now where," Slippy said. Fox rolled his eyes.

"That's what pop-ups do, you dumbass." Slippy ignored him.

"I signed up for that free cruise to any planet I choose, and today when I checked it, I received a message saying 'You won!' Isn't that exciting?" Slippy grinned triumphantly. Fox stared at Slippy, impressed that a person like _him_ could win something a lot of people entered for.

"So what planet did you choose?" Fox said curiously.

"Dinosaur Planet." Slippy replied.

"NO!" Fox cried as he shoved the computer across the counter and stomped into the den to watch some TV. "Fuck that! You can go by yourself!"

"But Krystal will be there." Slippy said, putting a lot of emphasis on the word _'Krystal'_.

"Fuck Krystal," Fox called from the den. "And her bizarre language." He added.

"Well, we all know you want to."

A furry finger stuck out from above the couch, Slippy sighed.

"But we haven't seen her in a long time, and maybe everyone else would like to see the wonder that is Dinosaur Planet." Slippy's eyes grew large as he began to plea.

"Pleeeeaaaassssee Fox. I've never been."

"You can go by yourself, Slip. I'm never going there again."

"Fine! I don't care anymore! You can rot here by yourself." Slippy shouted; anger and rage building up as he spoke. The entrance to the Great Fox opened to reveal Katt Monroe and Falco Lombardi. Falco was in his usual grey jacket and blue suit, while Katt walked in with a furry pink jacket that had no sleeves and a black miniskirt.

"Heya!" Katt greeted. Falco tossed his leather jacket on the couch next to Fox, whose face turned to disgust when it landed.

"Hey Katt, Falco! Where were ya'll?" Slippy asked, as though his conversation with Fox never happened.

"Stuck in Painless Shoe store," Falco grumbled. Katt scoffed at his remark and took a seat next to him on the sofa.

"_Payless_ Shoe store, Slippy. I had to get my shoes." Katt said, holding up a pair of furry boots with a skimpy heel. Falco knocked it out of her hand.

"Grab me a beer, will ya Katt?" Fox grabbed her skirt. "Me too." Katt wandered into the kitchen, going through all the contents of the fridge. She spotted Slippy working diligently out of the corner of her eye.

"Whatchya doing Slip?" she asked tenderly. Slippy smiled and replied a, "Oh nothing. Just planning our cruise."

"A cruise?!"

"Yep, it's totally free!"

"Sounds exciting! Where we going?"

"Dinosaur planet."

"I wanna come!" Katt pouted.

"Sure." Slippy smirked.

"And if I go, you know Falco's gotta come."

"I don't mind. I'm bringing ROB and Peppy. They could really use a vacation."

"Well, what about Fox?"

"He's being a stubborn donkey right now, so he's gonna stay here and rot."

Katt snickered lightly. "What time are we leaving?"

"This afternoon at 4." Slippy replied. He checked the email again to make sure.

"Alright. I'll go tell Falco." And with that she slipped away and tackled Falco.

"What the hell?" Falco squawked and shoved Katt onto the floor.

"Cruise. Today at 4. Me, you, Slippy, Peppy, and ROB are going to Dinosaur Planet."

"Have fun." Fox grumbled.

"You know you wanna come, Fox." Katt teased. She handed a beer to Falco and held the other in her furry pink paw. "If you come, I'll give you this beer."

Fox growled. "No can do. That planet is worst than hell."

"But what about that blue chick? What's her face?" Katt said as she snapped her fingers, trying to remember.

"Krystal?" Falco blurted.

"Yeah! She'll be there."

Fox got up from the couch lazily. He headed upstairs. Falco shook his head. "So you gonna leave me here by myself to deal with Slippy, Peppy, ROB, and Katt?"

"Yep." Fox said bluntly.

"Fuck you Fox."

"Uh-huh. Maybe later."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Everyone packed?" Slippy asked as he scanned the area.

"Hold on. Lemme get this last suitcase full." Katt mumbled. She stuffed her new boots in the suitcase then slammed her ass on it, but it wouldn't close.

"Goddammit!" She cursed loudly then turned to Falco. "Falco, be a dear and close this for me."

"You have like 5 fucking suitcases Katt! I hope you don't expect me to carry all that shit." Falco snarled. Using his avian strength, he closed the suitcase with ease. Slippy was proud to have most of the Star Fox team come, except for that stubborn jackass of a leader they had. ROB eased around the abundant bags of junk. "It is now 2:30," he shrieked. Everyone put their hands to their ears until ROB returned to normal.

"What the fuck is wrong with ROB?" Falco asked, his head still ringing from ROB's shriek.

"I don't know!" Slippy panicked. "ROB, check for any malfunctions."

"PROCESSING!" ROB shrieked again. Falco kicked ROB in his metallic ass and ROB's voice returned to its original, emotionless, monotone voice.

"See? All he needed was a tune up." Falco smirked. ROB turned to Falco.

"Glad you know I like it in the ass Falco." ROB said bleakly.

"Whatever…" Falco replied while putting his shades on.

"Alright lets head out!" Slippy beamed. Katt grabbed two suitcases, leaving Falco the other three plus his own bag.

"Bye Fox! Have fun rotting here all by yourself." Katt called. No response. Peppy finally noticed they were leaving Fox. "Fox, bring your ass on! You know you're gonna regret it sooner or later." Still, no response. "Well, since you are staying here. There's a list of things to do on the refrigerator. I want them accomplished by time I get home or else!" Peppy threatened.

"Fuck that." Fox whispered while in the comfort of his room.

The Great Fox had become eerily quiet. Fox sat up on his bed, his mind on Krystal and her very revealing outfit, then to that annoying fuck tard, Tricky, who on his adventure, would not shut the fuck up. Now the words _"BAD GUY"_ and _"LET'S PLAY"_ where destroying his brain.

"Goddammit." Fox cursed stridently to no one but himself. He knew he had two choices:

_go on the cruise and face your worst nightmare._

or

_stay on the Great Fox for God knows how long and turn into a raging maniac._

But which would he choose?


	2. Chapter 2

AN: A small parody coming up soon! I hope you have enjoyed it so far. Pray for me and my weird ideas!

Chapter 2:

"The ship to Dinosaur Planet leaves in the next 45 minutes. It's the gate farthest on your left," the young tigress said as she pointed to Gateway #24. She smiled vibrantly.

"Have a safe flight!"

Slippy seized the tickets out of the tigress's hands. He turned to his comrades. "Alright everyone, we have the tickets so let's head towards Gateway #24." Katt grabbed her two bags off the floor, while Falco carried the other three bags (plus his own.)

"Man, I wish Fox was here." Falco exhaled noisily.

"It's his own damn fault for not coming!" Katt snapped. "He just wanted to be a stubborn jackass and not face the beautiful wonders of Dinosaur Planet." Falco nodded slowly. The loudspeaker gave a low whine and then cackled to life.

"Gateway #24 is now loading all passengers. Repeat, Gateway #24 is loading all passengers."

"Looks like we better move." Slippy said. The gang made their way in the line and gave the flight attendant their tickets. But little did they hear a faint yell from across the airport.

"Wait! You dumb fucks!" Fox yelled as he trampled over the bulky crowds of citizens.

"Hey!"

"Watch it!" Some of the people complained. Fox continued to run at mach speed until he hit a muscular cheetah dressed in a security guard outfit. He elevated Fox by his bushy tail.

"What the fuck? I didn't do anything!" Fox yelped and fought the hold the cheetah had him in.

"You disturbing the peace motherfucker!" the cheetah remarked in a hollow voice then tossed Fox through the window. Fox hit the ground with a _THUD_!

"Fucking…" Fox groaned. He picked himself off the ground and looked towards the entrance of the airport. The cheetah stood guard, waiting for Fox to make that attempt to enter.

"_Great Fox. You're totally fucked unless you can get on that plane and find everyone."_ Fox glanced towards the planes, an idea formed in his head.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A crew of peculiarly clothed females stepped out of the mens' lavatory. They adjusted their skirts and headed towards Gateway#24. The stewardess in the heart of the group carried a hefty brown box with a clock on its side. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed one of the stewardess stumbled in her heels.

"For goodness sakes, Andrea, walk like a professional at work." The center stewardess with black curls growled. Andrea blushed. She replied a weak, "Yes, Vivian." And whisked behind the group.

"Vivian?" the stout stewardess, who could barley fit in her outfit and exposed some R rated content, snorted.

"You got a problem with my name?" Vivian snapped at Peggy. Peggy reared back. The reptilian stewardess strutted her stuff, while she tossed her auburn hair magnificently. The others moaned, as some of the guys whistled and shouted naughty remarks. She smiled dazzlingly, then gave them an air kiss. They caught it and placed it to their heart. Vivian kicked the reptile in her ass!

"Don't be hatin'," she teased.

"Quit acting up Leona! We have to get this box onto the ship!"

Peggy scoffed. "On whose orders?"

"Boss's. Now open the door for me!" The stewardesses scrambled to open the door. Leona unbolted the door, after shoving Peggy's fat ass out the way. Peggy flicked her off.

"That's not ladylike Peggy." Leona chuckled as one-by-one, they entered. Lots of males turned their interest on them. Vivian strode into the engine room first, guys examining her slender frame. Next was the stylish Leona. Later the obese Peggy, who guys booed and expressions turned into ones snuffling flatulence! One guy jumped off the plane when she bent over to pick up a penny, giving him a full rear view. Slippy gazed over and smiled in delight.

"She's beautiful." He salivated absentmindedly.

And finally, Andrea. Vivian set the box down by the other similar boxes. She dusted her paws on her skirt.

"Positions," She commanded. "We aren't to leave the ship until it has landed." Everyone gave a slight nod of understanding and slipped away.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"I can't wait till we get to Dinosaur Planet!" Katt squealed as she stood over Falco.

"Neither can I," Falco said while staring at Katt's boobs, one hand attempted to grab one but Katt smacked his hand. She waved her index finger in his face.

"Not until we start to move." Katt whispered seductively and gave Falco a small peck on his cheek.

"Bathroom?" Falco suggested.

"Sure, why not." Katt said.

ROB watched the two nuzzle and cuddle in each others presence. When Katt took her seat next to ROB he leaned over and whispered in the loudest voice possible.

"Falco can't hold on too long. It'll be over before it's even started."

"Fuck you, you mechanical bitch!" Falco barked.

"Quit bitching! You know it's true!" ROB shot back.

"Well, we'll see how long you last when I put my foot up your-"

"Shut up!" Katt yelled abruptly. "ROB that is totally not true! And Falco, come on, he's a robot! He can't fuck or get fucked."

"I beg to differ!" ROB shrieked. His robotic eyes turning red.

"_Going into bitch mode!"_ ROB shouted. He stood up tall and put his mechanical arms on his hips. "Zoness trash pah-lease! Just ask anyone around you how much they love me."

"Well, at least I don't fall apart when I get an STD!" Katt snapped. ROB laughed.

"Anyone born from Zoness already has an STD dumb shit!" Katt's cell phone vibrated in her back pocket. It rang the tune of her theme song on Zoness. (Star Fox 64). She flipped it open, ignoring her conversation with ROB.

"Yello? Fox?!" Katt bit her lip and listened intently. "Yeah, we're on the plane. What number? How the hell should I know? Hold on okay." Katt practically jumped over Falco and peered out the window. Falco sighed in complete bliss, Katt's tits all up in his face.

"The plane next to us is 43, yeah. Why do you wanna know?" A stifled response echoed from the phone. "Whatever. Bye." And the phone clamped shut.

"Fox called." She announced though everyone shrugged it off.

Back outside, Fox scurried through the number of planes lined up on the runway.

"43, 43, 43," he uttered breathlessly. He paused for a breath, but soon he came face to face with the same security guard who had tossed him like a bitch onto the concrete.

"Oh shit," Fox cursed and ran through the open legs of the cheetah. The chase was on! Fox scrambled through the carts carrying luggage to the airplanes, the cheetah hot on his heels. He leapt over an oncoming luggage cart, thinking that would get rid of the nuisance, but the cheetah copied his moves and sprang forward. Fox wheezed. He peered over his shoulder and spotted the planes up closely.

"_Left, no right, no left! Come on Fox! Just take a wild guess."_ At that moment he performed a successful back flip and entered the airplane from its wheel.

On the ship, he climbed nimbly up the wheel of the plane, which led into the engine room. He tumbled onto a box full of flowers, one containing personal items, and a strange box with a timer on it. He ignored it and carefully entered through the open door. From there, he slipped towards, finally, the passenger seats.

"Phew." He sighed and walked nonchalantly amongst the rows until he came across Slippy ordering something from an oddly dressed stewardess. He sat down besides Falco, who was listening to his ipod, eyes closed.

The plane roared its engines, as the stewardesses gave their lecture about the what to dos and what not to dos when traveling on a plane. Katt glanced over her shoulder, bit her lip, and walked two seats behind her. She noticed Fox sitting by Falco, her eye brows curled.

"Finally! What took you so long?" Katt hissed in the vulpine's ear. Fox's eyes went half closed. Fox was about to respond when Katt brushed past him to sit on Falco. Falco grunted as Katt applied her weight to his lap. The two soon became situated, in the corner, listening to his ipod. Falco's hand began to grope Katt's voluptuous ass which made her let out a small giggle. Fox made a choking motion towards his neck. Katt kicked him playfully, he laughed. Peppy sprung to life after a deep slumber.

"Time to go drain my arwing," he yawned. Slippy attempted to get up to let the old hare through, but Peppy took his hand and shoved Slippy down into his seat.

"What the hell is wrong with you? You trying to say I'm fat?!" Slippy cringed. Peppy toddled into the bathroom, the door shut with a soft click. Peppy sighed as he began to unleash his bladder, unaware of a slender figure making its way up the ring of the toilet. Peppy, still unleashing his bladder, grinned. He stared into the toilet and noticed…


	3. Chapter 3

Parody Time! See if you can guess the movie…if you haven't already. Here we go!

Chapter 3:

He stared into the toilet and noticed…

the shape standing, waiting to attack.

"Oh hell no! I've seen that damn movie before, and no damn snake is gonna bite off my dick!" He yanked the soap dispenser off the wall and slammed it on the snake's head. It shrieked deafeningly. The door banged against its hinge, which made others stare.

"Take this you bitch!" Peppy bellowed.

"Whose your daddy?!"

The snake hissed portentously, it lunged for the dangling excuse, called a dick.

"No premium slice of meat for you tonight!" Peppy yelled, once more, and slammed the dispenser on the snake's head. The snake hissed faintly, coiled up, and died. Peppy breathed heavily, the soap dispenser dropping from his hand. He stumbled out of the bathroom and into his seat, next to Slippy. ROB made a 360 with his head.

"Did you tame the feral beast?" he said monotone.

"Yeah! That bitch put up one hell of a fight. You shoulda seen me slam that sucka down. Boy, did I show him whose boss."

ROB shifted uncomfortably, and murmured. "I bet you did."

Falco stirred under Katt. She let up on some of her weight, though it was hard, her being in a corner and all. Falco tilted his head up towards her ear. He whispered a soft, "Bathroom?" Katt giggled and let out a soft, "Yeah." She got up first and slid into the bathroom. Falco copied, but slipped in unnoticed.

When in the bathroom, Katt coughed as Falco lit a cigarette, puffing in its contents.

"Falco! Throw that shit away. You're gonna get us caught." Katt growled, as Falco took out the fire alarm.

"Relax Katt." He dropped the cig on the floor and stomped on it.

"Better?"

"Uh-huh." Katt replied as Falco pressed his body against hers, her back touching the wall lightly. The heat emitting from his body became overpowering, making Katt lick her lips. This was ecstasy. Falco lifted Katt's pink tank top over her head, his tongue caressing her neck. Katt reached for Falco's jacket and pulled it off, along with his shirt. Their tongues began dancing the salsa in harmony as Katt's hand trailed down the ripples on Falco's chest to the bulge in his pants. He lifted her up onto the sink and they moaned in pleasure. Katt reached into her purse, whipping out a condom. Falco leisurely took it from her. He hadn't unbuckled his pants when he heard a faint hiss.

"Oh Falco," Katt moaned eagerly, fondling Falco's…head feathers.

"I didn't know you could hiss like that. What an extraordinary turn on."

Falco turned to his right to face the…snake.

"Oh hell." He squawked as the snake sprung at his throat, but missed entirely. Katt turned to her left.

"Oh! I saw that movie yesterday night with Peppy! The snake tried to bite someone's titty off." Then Katt remembered. "While she was in the bathroom with her boyfriend. Oh hell no!" Katt turned to the side and bitch slapped the snake. Falco had never seen this side of Katt before. The rage and ferocity she had developed inside her, she conveyed in her blows. The snake stood no chance. After a while, the snake attempted to slither away but Katt trudged her heel dead into the heart of the snake. It whined and struggled to get free.

"I don't fucking think so! You wanna watch porn, you're gonna have to watch it at home buddy!" And with that she forced her heel down farther into the snake. It died under her foot.

"Bitch!"

Falco gaped on in dismay. He ran out the bathroom, without his shirt on, screaming, "There are snakes on this fucking plane!"

Vivian leaned, diagonally, across the curve. She tapped her ear piece and spoke quietly into it.

"Leona. Leona?!" Vivian hissed. Leona's muffled voice barely came through.

"Leona?!!"

"What?!" Leona rattled more clearly.

"Something's wrong."

"What? Nothing can be wrong. Everything in my vicinity is fine."

Vivian massaged her temples. "Just spotted Lombardi screaming something about snakes on the fucking plane?"

Leona took a moment to think, and asked, "What was in the damn box?"

Vivian shrugged. "I don't know. I was just following orders." She took notice of Leona sigh. It sounded aggravated, but Vivian disregarded it.

"Protect Andrea at all costs!" she barked, while running in the direction of Andrea. Andrea was attending some passengers when Vivian stopped behind her. She saw not one, not two, but a whole gang of snakes creep between Andrea's feet. Vivian cursed and shoved Andrea into the pushcart. She took off in the direction of the pilot's room, locking the door behind her. Peggy was already in the room waiting, with Leona.

"What the hell is going on Vivian?!" Andrea shouted. Vivian reached into her bra, she pulled out her blaster.

"Sorry Andrea. But I'm not going take shit from your uncle for having you missing in action." She slammed the handle of her blaster on Andrea's skull. Andrea shrieked vociferously then fainted into the cart. They pushed it securely in the back room. Leona pulled out her blaster from her girder, while Peggy whipped hers out of her ass.

"Fuck the orders, we're going with plan B. Stay alive and follow my instructions. If you see the targets I want you to take them out!" Peggy mocked her and nodded. She barged through the entry, blaster in hand. It was utter turmoil outside the pilot's room. Passengers were screaming and running around in circles. An unseen snake laid to the left of Peggy. It hissed ominously, venomous fangs exposed. And without warning, it sprang, at full length, towards the swine. An electric buzz sounded and the snake slumped onto the floor, lifelessly, in front of Peggy.

"Next time you'll pay attention to my commands," Vivian scowled, blowing the taser.

"No guns or we'll fall faster than you can fuck!"

Meanwhile, Falco rummaged through his suitcase. He found his blaster along with his additional one. Fox seized it first but Slippy snatched it out of his hands.

"No! If we shoot, we'll plummet into the depths of space!"

"Then how the fuck are we gonna kill them?" Fox retorted.

Slippy called for ROB, who glided towards them. Slippy reached into the belly of ROB and pulled out a taser, a grenade, and a sock. Everyone moaned desolately. Falco reached for the taser, Fox the sock, and Peppy grabbed the grenade.

"It's war bitches!" he shouted and waved the grenade around threateningly at the snakes. Falco grabbed Katt and vanished in the back to aid citizens. Fox left on his own to help Peppy, but Slippy drew him back.

"Wh-what about me Fox?!" he asked, his voice shaky.

"Get these people upstairs!" And with that Fox threw a sock at the snake behind Slippy.

"Get a move on Slippy!" Slippy hesitated and stood on the stair steps.

"Excuse me," he said timidly. Everyone continued to run around, causing mayhem and killing others in the process!

"Guys…?" Slippy replied once again, more assurance in his voice. Everyone still ignored him.

"HEY!" Slippy shouted. "If you want to get off this fucking plane and live you stupid lives, get your ass upstairs! NOW!!!" Everyone obeyed and pursued after Slippy. He led them upstairs, unharmed.

"Never heard Slippy talk like that before!" Falco grinned, tasering a couple of snakes. He backed against Fox who turned over and smiled. The two had always been in difficult situations. Fox threw the final sock at a snake behind Falco while Falco elegantly leapt over Fox and tasered one.

"Where's Katt?" Fox puffed.

"Shit."


	4. Chapter 4

Chya! Chapter 4 is up, ya. Read it and be happy!!!

Chapter 4:

Falco ran along the corridor, leaving Fox to deal with the other snakes. He came across Katt and Peppy, having a pithy scuttle with a group of snakes and some injured passengers. Katt was gripping her arm and backing away desperately towards the seating area, while Peppy was waving the grenade in the air like a madman. Falco instantly ran to rescue the damsel in distress, taser gripped firmly in hand. He increased the intensity of the electrical energy current, then leapt in the way of an approaching snake and tasered the son of a bitch. As a result, the snake was burnt to a crisp. Falco shoveled the pink feline off the ground. He winced as he saw the colossal gash on her arm, the fur around it was matted with scarlet blood.

"Falco…," she breathed hoarsely, her face pale and bruised. Falco shushed her.

"Save your strength for later." He said as he carefully heaved her onto his back and carried her upstairs then placed her on a table.

"Watch out for her Slip. Anything else happens to her, it's your ass and my blaster." Falco called over his shoulder and left to join Fox.

Slippy saluted him, nervous. Katt moaned from the table. Her eyes barely opened to see Slippy calling ROB over for maintenance verification. ROB glided over to assist Slippy, after running over several minor snakes…and a few people. He stopped when he saw Katt.

"No." he droned. "Let the bitch die!"

"This is no time for games ROB! Please?" Slippy urged.

"You're right. No time for games." A voice spoke from behind them. Slippy spun around to face the stewardess, Vivian. She flipped her dark curls out of her face.

"Wolf?!" Slippy's eyes shot out. "What's with the get up?"

"Undercover business, but now that you've discovered our secret, I'm going to have to kill you." The blaster cocked stridently. Slippy gulped.

"Goodbye Slippy." Wolf smirked, taking careful aim with his...one eye.

"W-Wait! I know how we c-can sur-survive!" Slippy panicked. Wolf cocked his head slightly, raising an eye brow.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, but I need you to trust me and let me go downstairs and get the rest of the team." Slippy replied, spilling everything at once. Wolf narrowed his eyes. He tapped his ear piece.

"Leon? Show's over. Go fetch the rest of the Star Fox team."

"Gotcha!" Leon's voice cackled. A few seconds later, everyone was upstairs, except for Andrew, who laid in a pushcart in the pilot's room.

"What the hell? Starwolf?! I didn't think you wanted to hide your identity that badly after we kicked your asses at Venom." Peppy boasted.

"Ha ha ha." Leon laughed sarcastically. "If you must know, we're on a secret mission for-" Pigma blocked his mouth before he exposed them to their adversaries.

"Now's not the time to bicker Wolf. Innocent people's lives are at stake here." Fox said. Wolf mocked his affection.

"No one gives a shit about them because they're all dead. And pretty soon," Wolf motioned to Katt on the table with his head. "She'll be joining them."

Falco tensed. He was about to go over to Wolf and push him off the balcony, so he could watch him get ripped to shreds by the ravenous snakes, when all of a sudden, the plane jerked violently. Peppy fell to the ground, and the grenade tumbled out of his hands, thankfully, it was not armed.

"The pilot's dead, too?" Wolf asked. Leon shook his head 'yes'. Wolf bared his teeth; he noticed that Falco and Fox were gone.

"Shit! Where's McCloud and Lombardi." Wolf howled.

"In the pilot's room." Pigma bounced, while holding onto an empty seat.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"It's not working!" Falco strained. Him and Fox were pushing the two flight sticks upward.

"DAMMIT!" Falco yelled, Fox screamed in agony as he endured the pain. His hands were perspiring and soon ached, because too much of the pressure shifted from Falco's side to his. His knuckles turned pale. Falco caught a glimpse of the plane's leveling meter. His end was higher than Fox's.

"C'mon. C'mon!" Falco growled as the plane began to descend rapidly. The alarms sounded immediately when the plane descended below 900 kilometers in the sky and that it was not leveled.

"Falco," Fox shouted over the alarms. "I'm going to check the engine in the back room. I'm letting go of the wheel. Can you handle it?"

"Sure, just hurry back!" Falco snarled. He gripped the wheel more tightly as Fox left.

"805 kilometers and dropping," the computerized voice shrieked.

"Warning! Plane is not leveled." Another sounded.

Falco eased on the flight stick, and the plane began to level itself.

"One down, one more to go." He sighed. "Hopefully Fox can figure out what's causing us to descend."

Down inside the interior of the engine room, Fox began to wheeze. The room was hot enough to boil someone alive! Quickly, Fox spotted the bulky engine, a loud hiss escaped from its opening, steam dispensing into the air. Fox snatched a crow bar off the side of the wall and smashed it down onto the engine. It began to hiss more aggressively. Fox shielded his face, with his arms, as the steam raced by scorching some of the skin under his pelt of fur. Hacks broke their way through Fox's mouth. Not good, time was running out. There was a pressure gauge on the corner of the engine. Fox tapped on the glass urgently, the pressure was gradually coming out of the red region and into the white. Fox exhaled, relieved and staggered back into the pilot's quarter, but encountered a gigantic snake, slithering towards him. Fox instinctively leapt over to one side as the snake lunged at him. The venomous fangs sunk into the floor.

"Shit."

The snake lunged again, his fangs brushed past Fox's muzzle, but his weight landed on the vulpine's body. Fox landed with a _THUD_, and an "Oof!" escaped his lips. The snake circled around Fox and compressed his body. It's fork-like tongue tickling Fox's ear. Fox winced and gasped for air, the grip became tighter. He scanned the ground for a nearby object. The crowbar! Fox extended his hand and fingers towards the crowbar, but was out of reach. The snake stood over his head, about to swallow him alive, but Fox's fingers inched forth a little bit more and grabbed the crowbar. The snake dropped his fangs down. Instead of on Fox's head, he dropped down on the crowbar. It pierced his throat. The snake shrieked, scarlet drops of blood spraying everywhere. It drew back and released Fox's body. Fox panted wildly as he watched the snake disappear into the shadows.

"Phew!" Fox coughed and made his way into the pilot's quarter.

The alarms had stopped and the plane was ascending vigilantly. They switched the plane to auto-pilot. Falco slumped back into the adjustable seat. He closed his eyes and breathed slowly. Fox did the same. The two relaxed until a clatter of noise caught their attention. Fox bolted right up. Falco drew his blaster. There was a loud _BANG_ and a monkey collapsed onto the metallic floor. Fox and Falco laughed as the blonde toupee on the monkey's cranium flew towards them.

"It's only Andrew." Fox chuckled and extended a helping hand. Falco's face turned to one sucking a sour candy; he was trying to hold in his laughter when Andrew stepped out of the cart to reveal his outfit. Black heels with a blue and white stewardess outfit. There was a fine line of cherry lipstick on his face. He stumbled in his heels which made Falco fall out of his chair laughing.

"Boy, who put you up to this?" Fox snickered.

"Very funny," Andrew scowled. "Wolf said I looked stunning."

"Did Wolf also tell you to walk in heels, stuff your bra, and put a little junk in your trunk in case some guy wants a feel?" Falco grinned. Andrew fumed and pulled out a blaster.

"Sh-shut up!"

"And when someone pisses you off, act like you got something stuck up your ass and turn into a vicious bitch."

"Fuck you Lombardi! I'd like to see you pull off this outfit." Andrew challenged.

"Anytime, any day. Now put that gun down, it's giving me a headache." Falco pointed his hand down to the ground, stood up, and yawned. Fox stared at Andrew, who held the gun insecurely and his aim was shaky.

"C'mon! I got a plan!" Fox whispered in Falco's ear as he opened the door and stepped on a nearby snake. Falco frowned; he didn't like the sound of this.

"Grab Andrew and follow me." Falco unsheathed his blaster from its holder and shoved it against Andrew's back which caused Andrew to drop his on the floor.

"After you, miss." Falco bowed politely and extended his arms towards the exit. Andrew grumbled and trailed behind Fox. They snuck around until they encountered an enraged Wolf O'Donnell.

"And where the fuck were you?!!" Wolf shouted furiously. He aimed his blaster at Fox's head. Fox didn't flinch but motioned for Falco, who revealed himself from around the corner with Andrew. Falco shoved Andrew on the floor and placed his foot on top of his head, his blaster pointed in the direction of his brain.

"FUCK!" Wolf cursed, growling at Fox. Fox grinned and cocked his eye brows.

"Don't wanna take any shit from Andross? Then hand us our crew and you can get transie over here."

Reluctantly, Wolf grumbled for Leon to let them go. They hurried over to the opposite side of the plane.

"And your part of the bargain?" Wolf asked sinisterly, crossing his hands over his chest. Fox gestured for Falco to let him go; Falco kicked Andrew over to Wolf's side.

"NOW!" Slippy yelled. Peppy threw the grenade towards their adversaries, just like Wolf predicted. Wolf lashed out with his foot; the grenade clinked in the corner. Everyone ducked their heads, waiting for the explosion, though it never came.

"What? Why didn't it work?" Slippy solicited.

"Someone's gotta shot it!" Falco said while aiming his gun. The Starwolf gang leapt over to the secure side just as an explosion erupted from the plane. Everything caught on flames and began to plummet into the sky. Leon examined the ground below them but saw nothing more than crystal-blue water, extending for miles. He dug into Pigma's pocket, pulling out an inflatable ferry. The ferry popped open.

"Wolf!" Leon cried and held out his sticky, green hand. Wolf grasped it; they pulled him into the vessel. The Starfox gang climbed in from behind. Pigma started to oblige, but Leon shushed him. The vessel plopped into the water with a raucous _SPLASH_!

Everyone gazed at the sky to see the rest of the 'fireworks'.

"OOoohh." Everyone said astonished as the plane fell down into the sea.

"Aaahh." Everyone exhaled as it exploded, debris flying everywhere.

Slippy sighed miserably. Maybe this cruise was gonna be a failure, just like Fox had said. He tossed a piece of rubble into the sea. He looked towards ROB and Falco. ROB brushed some ash off him, then gazed at Katt and screwed up his metallic body.

"The fireworks would have been better if we left that bitch on the plane."

"Maybe if we left you on the plane, our lives would be better!" Falco countered.

"Sh-shut up…" Katt croaked. She nuzzled into Falco's torso and Falco held her close. Peppy cursed himself, he held up some wet papers, which looked like maps. Fox was relaxing against the vessel, beer in paws.

"So, are we there yet?" Andrew piped.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Don't ask no questions…just read the story...

Chapter 5:

"No more bottles of beer on the wall, no more bottles of beer." Everyone sang merrily on the ship while Peppy conducted it, they even had ROB, Fox, and Falco singing!

"Can't take one down or pass it around 'cuz there's no more bottles of beer on the wall." Everyone 'YAY'ed, clapping their hands together!

"This is so fucked up." Fox grumbled with a smile.

"Oh! That was fun, let's do something else!" Leon squealed. Wolf tapped his chin with a claw then raised it in the air as an idea formed inside that thick empty head of his.

"I spy with my eyes…"

"We are not playing this." Fox shook his head.

"Shut up!" Wolf huffed then went back to his tranquil tone. "Umm…something blue."

"Water." Everyone guessed.

"Damn. Ya'll are good." Wolf sank back into the ferry.

"My turn!" Leon bubbled. "Um…I spy something….ummm….something blue."

"Water." Everyone blurted.

"No. It's Falco! I win."

Their happy moments concluded with a dead silence. The ship rocked eerily, creeping through the misty fog.

Fox threw his head back and groaned. "We need something to do. No more 'I spy with my only eye!'"

"Wait. I got something!" Wolf said.

"Better not be gay." Falco pitched in.

"Oh no. This one takes the cake."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Masssssster!" A scaly voice hissed, sliding down the hand rail on a flight on stairs that led into a secret underground cavern. "Urgent messsssage from above! Our plan hassss been a successssss!"

"Are you sure?" A broader voice murmured.

"Yesssss, we have the disssplay on camera."

"Let me see it." The minion bobbed his head and set a camcorder on the desk then hooked it up to the large screen so his master could watch it with a bag of popcorn. The video whirred on with some sizzling hot reptilian porn. The two stared at each other then the screen.

"Ssssorry masssster, here let me fassst forward through thissss."

The broader reptile propped his feet onto the table and nodded. The raunchy scene played in fast motion. Just when the guy was about to climax, there was a loud_ KABOOM!_ Fire spewed everywhere and there was a long piercing whine as the plane plummeted into the water then sunk slowly.

"Ssssee ssssir, misssssion accomplissshed."

"Wait, replay that."

"What?"

"I said replay it!"

The minion rewinded the tape and they observed the plane burst again.

"Zoom in on the left."

A red square ran across the scene and flashed as it zoomed in on the left side of the plane.

"What's that?" the jagged voice hissed, pointing to a vague yellow object that fell out the sky.

"Fire?" A hand slammed against the minion's throat, compressing softly then elevated him off the ground.

"No dumb shit. That's McCloud and his army of hos! They were supposed to die on the plane along with the snakes!"

The subordinate reptile choked. "Ssssorry masssste-"

"I told you to let me take care of it." Came a small rumble from the back of the room.

"Udt nxuk uho oei teadw xoho? (And what are you doing here?)" The master growled.

"Don't start that shit with me Scales! You knew I could've taken care of it!"

Scales flushed, he was trying to come up with a lame excuse for his unexpected visitor. "And that's why you're my secret weapon." He cooed into the ear of the stranger.

"Secret weapon?"

"Yeah, that's right. You know how to get the job done...the RIGHT way!" Scales shouted. The figure beside him chuckled while Scales' minion scrambled up the stairs.

"I want McCloud."

The stranger's lips parted to create a heinous grin and eyes opened to expose a tinge of amethyst. "And you shall have him."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Right foot on red." Wolf woofed. The gang was playing Twister the hot spot ON A FREGGIN' SHIP!!! Scary. Anyway everyone twisted and contorted their bodies into all kinds of asymmetrical shapes, trying to reach any red spots they could find with their foot. Falco squawked raucously, him and Slippy were stuck in the heart of the cluster. Falco's face bumped against something squishy as he placed his foot successfully on a red spot.

"Oh fuck me in my asshole and spank me." Peppy's ass was right in front of him. Wolf spun the wheel again.

"Left paw on yella!"

Leon's hand hit Pigma's face which made him collapse on top of Andrew who got flattened like a pancake. Everyone laughed, Andrew's arm snuck out from under Pigma's fat behind. He gave the thumbs up signal showing that he was alive, thank god. Peppy started laughing a little too much!

"Shut up old man!" Falco cawed angrily.

"I think those Doritos are talking Falco." Peppy snickered.

"Aw fuck this!" Falco dropped on the floor, tripping Fox's leg and making him go down, then a whole gang of people on top of them. Laughter echoed through the now clear skies then died down as everyone moved back to their original seats. Fox whipped out a beer from his jacket, chugged it, and then chucked it overboard. The moment had been fun while it lasted.

"Are we there now?"

"No." everyone groaned.

"Now?!"

"Andrew, if you don't shut the fuck up, I'm going to kill you and feast on your dead carcass!" Wolf growled.

"Someone's got PMS." Falco uttered loudly.

"PMS is only for girls, dumb ass!" Wolf shot back, his tone striking agitated.

"I know."

Wolf swung his arms out in frustration, not noticing that his claw penetrated a hole in the ferry, air blew out over Wolf's claw. Everyone's mouth dropped with horror.

"Oops…,"

KILLED.

As if to make the situation any worse, Slippy pointed to an object in the distance.

"What's that?" His eyes widened.

"Oh fuck me sideways." Fox said as the ferry collided head on with the floating object…Fox's beer can.

DOUBLE KILLED!!

Everyone flipped in the air; they screamed at Fox before plunging into the uncanny, murky waters.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Eh man. Check it out!" a voice squeaked. "Dead bodies!"

"Check them for scarabs." Another voice grunted. Wolf groaned.

"Stop it Leon. That tickles." He murmured, his eyes only giving him a brief preview of the two foggy figures in front of him.

"Man, that one's alive." The smaller voice shouted while poking Wolf with a stick. Wolf shot up straight and gazed around!

He screwed up his face. "Eww! Freaks!"

"Eh man, you got a scarab I could borrow?"

"Fuck off you disgusting Michael Jackson looking motherfuckers!" Wolf said as he shooed them with his paws. The two dinosaurs returned each other's glances as they stared at the frantic Wolf.

"Eh man we just need a-"

"Back the fuck up!" Wolf spat. He patted his body for his blaster but couldn't find it. He kicked up some sand and fled like a girl, but tripped on a rock.

"Ow! Shit."

"Man, just give us a scarab!" the dinosaurs shouted approaching Wolf.

"Get your crusty ass away from me!!!" Wolf wailed.

"Man, I'll suck your dick!" the broad voice laughed.

Wolf's mouth almost flew off as he processed the statement. "Excuse me?!"

"I'll suck your dick, for a scarab!!"

Wolf pinched himself, making sure this wasn't a dream, and it hurt. He stared at the dinosaurs in front of him who itched themselves crazily. The smaller of the two had a white powdery substance hanging from the corner of his mouth. Wolf gulped. What the hell was going on? He pondered, tapping his chin with his claw. His eye brows pointed to the sky.

"_Oh, what the hell."_ He thought.

LATER…..

"Oh!" Fox groaned holding his head. He smacked his parched lips together then gazed around at the area before him. The location of their wreckage was on the shore of Cape Claw. Lively fish swam through the watery intersections of the crystal clear waters while others jumped in the air blithely. His ears perked up when he heard another person arise.

"Good Lord!" Peppy complained shaking sand off his head. He caught a glance of Fox then Falco and Slippy who arose a few seconds later.

"Nooooo!!" Falco shouted, his eyes sagged and twitched. Slippy yawned. He looked fine compared to all the others.

"We all look like sex." Leon coughed, brushing some sand off his black pants.

"Where's Wolf?" Andrew asked as he raked his ass with a nearby stick. Everyone murmured. No one could spot the grey lupine anywhere, until he appeared from behind a bush with a pair of LightFoots.

"Eh man, thanks!" the superior LightFoot said. He licked his fingers then sped off across the water with his companion. Wolf wore a happy grin that made others stare.

"What?!" Wolf scowled as he approached the group adjusting his eye patch.

"Fly's unzipped." Slippy pointed out.

"I don't even want to know." Fox mumbled. Wolf rolled his eyes well…eye and headed towards the far corner of Cape Claw. Everyone trudged through the water after him. They stumbled upon a waterfall; a cerulean vixen was striding across. Fox's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets as he absorbed the curvy outline of Krystal.

"Fox?! Nxuk uho oei teadw xoho? (Fox?! What are you doing here?)" Krystal chimed, running towards the vulpine.

"_God she smells good."_ Fox thought as him and Krystal latched together into a warm, friendly embrace. Fox inhaled her minty scent and sighed. They could've stayed like this forever, which would've happened had Fox not noticed Leon and Falco doing some pelvic thrusts behind Krystal's back then the _'smack that'_ gesture.

"I-I'm on va-vacation." Fox stammered. Krystal pinched his chin.

"Tat oei majj mo? (Did you miss me?)" She purred smoothly, letting both her muzzle and body brush against his. Everyone stared. Fox felt himself melt. Everyone stared. Krystal was trying to turn him into pudding! Everyone stared! Her tail flicked over his crotch. Everyone stared!! He backed up and finally noticed everyone staring.

"Get 'em Fox." Wolf awed.

Krystal chuckled. "Nocc, oei sud semo nakx mo ke joo kxo Queen ev kxo EarthWalker Tribe. (Well, you can come with me to see the Queen of the EarthWalker Tribe.)"

As soon as the words Queen and EarthWalker Tribe popped out of Krystal's mouth, Fox's pants deflated.

"Uuhhh!" Fox grunted. "What does her old wrinkly ass want?!"

"Jko't nudkot mo ke vedt Tricky. Xo'j rood hiddadw uheidt dedjkef oloh jadso xo zeadot kxo Star Fox koum udt den…xo'j cejk. (She wanted me to find Tricky. He's been running around nonstop ever since he joined the Star Fox team and now…he's lost.)"

"I can't understand a damn word. Anyone got a translator?" Pigma huffed. Slippy took one out of his pocket.

"Fuck Tricky."

"But…"

"No! I save his ass once and I'm not doing it again! He talks way too damn much! One time I thought of jumping off the cliff and landing onto the tusk of a Snowhorn."

"But Fox tonight is the annual Krazoa feast. Tricky has to be there!!!!" Krystal insisted. Peppy's eyes lit up at the word 'feast'.

"Feast?" Slippy asked.

"It's a large celebration where all the Tribes get together and celebrate the Krazoa Spirits for all that they have done."

Everyone drooled absentmindedly as they thought of a large buffet of food, music, and alcoholic beverages. Peppy's stomach rumbled.

"Fox, I think we should listen to Krystal and save Tricky."

"No."

"Please?!" Krystal approached him again. "Do it for me."

Fox frowned. He hated Tricky for his loud chatterbox and stupid comments on every little thing he did. Fox heaved out all his frustration as Peppy patted him on the back.

"Fine. I'll do it." Everyone cheered. Krystal gave him a light peck on the cheek then guided them to the earthly terrain of ThornTail Hollow.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Tricky paced through the endless green meadows, humming to himself the theme of the Star Fox crew.

"Star Fox yeah!" He whispered happily then his voice trailed to sadness. He had always been alone on these missions to and wished a familiar vulpine had been with him. He gazed at the sky which was painted with oranges and pinks.

"Where are you Fox?" He sighed. A soft breeze rushed by, assuring him that there was hope and the vulpine would be coming sooner then expected. Tricky inhaled deeply then sped off. Trees hugged the area before him. Everything was dark and quiet; a feel of death lied in the atmosphere. Tricky hummed to himself as the trees swayed, attempting to grab him. He yelped when something scraped his coarse hide.

"Wh-who's there." He quivered. No one answered but a thunderous shriek boomed loudly.

"I am Prince Tricky, Mischievous, Gets into trouble, Bad guy, Let's play, Wait up Fox EarthWalker and I'm here to kick your ass in the name of the Star Fox!" Tricky yelled.

"Now show yourself!"

The voice cackled. "Hey little boy, you want some candy?"

Oo!!!!!! To be continued!


End file.
